Monday, November 29, 2010

The Ultimate Hockey Player's Guide to Chew/Dip (Simplified)

Alright this is pretty fucking simple, if you play hockey you should be packing chews. So here is a basic description of your well know chews and dips and such. If there is a P next to the description, DO NOT GET IT. THIS MEANS YOU ARE A PUSSY FOR CHEWING IT.

SkoalApple: Don't let anyone know you're doing it. P
Cherry: Acceptable in certain situations (i.e. mixing it with some straight). P
Mint: Completely acceptable, I find it most common with D-men.
Wintergreen: Accepted by most, not quite as ballsy as mint (which isn't ballsy...) but still can be viewed as a hockey players dip.
Straight: Common dip I find in the lockerroom, not very tough, but probably seen as one of the toughest of the skoals.
Vanilla: Fucking queer. If you have a vagina I highly reccomend this dip. Its like dipping vanilla ice cream. Your teamates may consider putting your shit in the shower and leaving it in the rink to freeze if they catch you with this. P

CopenhagenStraight: Everyone knows it and has seen it in the lockerroom, everyone who does it loves it. One of my personal favorites. Highly reccomended.Wintergreen: Soft as shit, tastes like heaven, love it. Common dip found in a hockey lockerroom

To be completely honest I fucking hate griz. I hate it in every flavor is comes in and I don't feel like doing the fucking rundown on each one. Griz is respected in the lockerroom. Thats all there is to it. Don't give me shit for not liking griz, its cheap as shit. G (GAY)

Grape: Tastes like a fucking blue tootsie pop. Never really seen it around the rink, only outside of the rink when chilling with my boys. P
Never had it to be honest, assuming its like every other straight out there. But this will give you cancer like five times faster.

I don't feel like going through all the random fucking chews and dips that are scattered across the nation. Those listed above are the ones you will find in a hockey lockerroom. As for chews, you will only see redman, guaranfuckingteeit. No joke its the only chew I have seen in a lockerroom. The last dip that I want to mention is Hawken Wintergreen, its a mix of chew and dip, but comes in a can. It legit the best, most sweetest tasting wintergreen I have ever had and it is so soft and packs extremely comfortably. I reccomend it to everyone who chews and or dips. You will love it, like I said I guaranfuckingteeit. Thanks to everybody again, dip your fucking faces off boys.